Intense Relationship Therapy
Couple Therapy That Works ..
Intensive therapy: INVEST in What Matters Most
If your relationship is in deep distress, or you're reeling from a recent big event - like an affair - an intensive can be a powerful start to a journey of healing.
Sometimes you need a lot of help fast! Or maybe your connection just needs a tune-up and this format is the best fit for a busy or unpredictable schedule.
Or maybe you’re a therapist and need to work on your own relationship out of your community, or...
Whatever your own reasons might be, a Therapy intensive is an opportunity to focus exclusively on your relationship by spending 12-plus hours in intensive therapy over two and a half days.
You turn your phone to silent; leave work and kids and the busyness of everyday life to someone else (if you can); book a motel room and some cozy restaurants and turn your attention to the thing that matters most - your relationship.
No ‘whiplash’ from trying to switch out of work mode and into very personal and sometimes painful conversations, and then back to work mode by the end of the hour. No clock-watching. No waiting a week to continue something that we’re right in the middle of.
Some things need more than an hour! We get to dive as deeply as needed into the important things and stay there until we’re at a natural stopping point. It’s all about YOU.
For many people, an intensive is part of a bigger plan. By the time we meet, we’ll have worked together to identify which focus is the best fit for your needs, agreed on appropriate goals and expectations, and completed whatever preparation is needed to maximize our time. That way, we get to hit the ground running to make the very most of our time.
Intensive cover an awful lot of ground over the twelve hours when they’re together rather than those same twelve hours spread over twelve weeks.
Please note that Intensives are a good option for individuals as well as couples.
Goals and Expectations for an Intensive will depend on your intended purpose.
There are four general (sometimes overlapping) areas of focus:
Therapy
Enrichment
Discernment
Decoupling.
THERAPY
To generalize, the goals of Intensive Couples Therapy might be summarized as:
unlearning old habits of relating that aren’t working for you
and THENlearning new habits of relating to build closeness and trust
and THEN (if needed)healing old hurts that are stopping you from feeling close or trusting.
Research shows that it does tend to need to go in that approximate order - maybe like learning to crawl before we can walk.
If your goal is to improve your relationship we’ll identify what’s going on currently, so we know where to start.
For some people, our time will be best spent exclusively working to identify and understand the old habits of relating (we call this de-escalating).
Others will proceed to the building of new ways of relating that build closeness and trust. Whatever our focus is, the intensive will work best with consistent and intentional follow-up to integrate the changes made into your relationship in the ‘real world’.
Practice is needed to turn them into habits. Some people can do this for themselves, but many people will need some kind of ongoing support until the new way of relating has become a habit, and all of the ‘problem’ issues are resolved.
If you’ve suffered a devastating trust injury (like the disclosure of an affair) and are at critical mass, you may need a lot of help fast!! An intensive is a powerful start to a journey of healing. The good news is that we know how to repair those injuries. In fact, research shows that when we can do this, relationships can not only heal, but actually strengthen and improve.
If you’re working with another therapist and/or your relationship has de-escalated to the point that you can manage difficult emotions enough to be able to engage in the healing process, then our intensive goal will be to do just that.
If your relationship is not yet de-escalated then it isn’t possible to engage in the healing process yet. Our intensive focus will be to get you to that point as soon as we possibly can.
ENRICHMENT
If your relationship is in goodish to great shape and you’re looking to enrich, fine-tune, or address something specific, then our goals will be to learn tools to D-I-Y relationship maintenance & repair, and practice using these tools.
Our work will follow the Hold Me Tight enrichment program. This process can stand alone without needing preparation or follow up from a therapist.
DISCERNMENT
Discernment is helpful if one or both of you are not sure if you’re in or out of your relationship. It is crucial that both partners understand and agree on the intended purpose and goal up front.
This is an excruciating place to be in, and most people resist seeking help for many different but valid reasons. If this describes your situation, then the focus of our intensive would be;
to make sense of how your relationship got to where it is now
identify what - if anything - might change your situation for the better
The goal for this kind of intensive would be to have greater understanding of your relationship, and greater clarity on how to proceed (engage in therapy; exit the relationship or continue as before).
DECOUPLING
This option is if one or both of you have already decided to end the relationship. It is crucial that both partners understand and agree on the intended purpose and goal up front.
This can be an opportunity to have some closure to your relationship as you know it. Our goals would be to make sense of how your relationship evolved to this point, in order to gain some sense of closure, and to possibly re-define it in a healthy way (eg friends or co-parents).
This is an opportunity to learn more about yourself - your own raw spots and blind spots, and things that will help you understand, and manage your own self moving forward.
It also allows you to plan a united way of communicating this important news to significant others - especially if you have children together.
INDIVIDUALS
An intensive is indicated for individuals in a number of different situations. Some of the common reasons are:
I want to come to a decision about how to proceed in my relationship - am I in or out?
Our relationship is in distress, but my partner isn’t interested in counselling
Want to understand myself - my emotions, my habits - and my own attachment/relationship style
I need help making a difficult life decision
Support after a relationship has ended
Need to make sense of and deal with a specific event or theme
An intensive can be so helpful to do a specific piece of work. Whether it can stand alone will, or course, depend on your situation.
Sometimes a one-day intensive (6 hours on a Sunday or Monday) is the best fit for an individual.
what does an intensive look like?
BOOKING AND PREPARATION
The first step is to schedule a 15-30 minute phone call with by clicking the button below.
After this call, I will send you an email with the next steps. These include;
scheduling your intensive
filling out assessment questionnaires
scheduling a 60 minute assessment session each (online or phone call)
.
In preparation, you will be asked to read the book Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. (I will send you a copy).
If at all possible, book an airbnb, motel or a B&B and make this a complete break from the demands of your regular life. We are happy to make recommendations based on your requirements.
But if you just can’t book a complete break please do your best to prepare to focus as much of your time on your relationship for the duration.
THE INTENSIVE:
DAYS 1 & 2:
Six hours of counselling between 10am and 5pm.
Whilst you are here we are happy to help you plan the rest of your day during your downtime and can make recommendations based on your requirements
DAY 3:
Two hours from 10am to 12pm. (May be substituted for a 60 minute online session within 7 days if you have travel or other arrangements which preclude the 3rd morning session).
(Times are slightly flexible to allow for travel or other commitments). In your 'down time', you will be focusing on specific aspects of your relationship tailored to your needs and where you're up to in the process.
how much does it cost?
The fee for the Intensive includes;
written materials to track your progress
a copy of the book "Hold me Tight: Seven Conversations for a lifetime of love"
intake and assessment
one 60 minute individual online or phone assessment session per person
the Intensive sessions (as described above).
Written follow up report documenting progress made and next steps
Please click here for our current list of fees.
If you are an existing client, the screening and assessment process is reduced, and fees will be reduced accordingly.
The registration fee of 600 Euros is due when you schedule the intensive.
An invoice for the remainder of the fee will be sent to you and is due 7 days before the intensive start date. (You may pay the full fee at time of booking if preferred).
We reserves the right to cancel an intensive if full payment is not received on time.
CANCELLATION POLICY
If you change your mind before returning the assessment packages, your registration will be refunded minus 150 Euros . The registration fee is non-refundable once the assessment packages have been returned.
If your plans change due to unavoidable factors such as illness, you will receive credit to re-schedule the intensive for a different date. Cancellation for other reasons will be assessed on a case by case basis.
If we need to reschedule due to unavoidable factors, you will be offered an opportunity to reschedule or a full refund of any intensive fees already paid.
The first step is to schedule a 15-30 minute phone call with by clicking the button below. Schedule Phone Call